Monthly Archives: December 2017

She called today

My mom called me today. I could hear the pain and sorrow in her voice. It began to crack and she began to cry. I could not help her today because the same pain she felt, I felt. Two broken people in different time zones feeling the same pain and the worst feeling is not being able to make the woman who created you and bought you into this world to smile.

You see, my mother lost a son in a violent death and that emptiness I will never be able to fill. Those who have I am grateful for, my older brother and his son, my niece and her amazing personalities and lastly my other siblings. I on the other hand can not make a broken person happy as I am admittedly broken myself. I speak to her everyday and she worries so much about me and I about her that I wish she’d just focus on the others.

The countless lies I continuously tell her of, “I’m ok” are beginning to haunt me. She can sense it, she can feel it as she did birth and create me. No matter how I mask my voice and emotions she know and as I of her. I wish I could that pain she feels. I’d be willing to be the only broken one in the family to remove the brokenness in her heart. To help her feel whole again.

As we are mother and daughter with two complete different personalities the only thing that unites us other than blood is our brokenness. I simply tell her to pray and that there will be better day. The same words I tell myself as I stretch to get up in the morning.

Two broken people can not help one another but they can encourage one another. I need to hear her voice everyday because it brings a small sigh of relief to my brokenness. She needs to know that I am ok so to not worry her I change my voice and make sure she hears a smile.

I hear the pain in her voice and there is nothing I can do but tell her to pray. As that is all I do.

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Tragic

Tragedy lies when I subconsciously know the hurt you are causing. Your mental state felt that it was ok because you knew about me yet, I knew just of what you sensually uttered into my ears. You had me weak and I “understood” you.

If I loved you again I’d be foolish. Should I?

TS aka (Tragic Scene)


No

You do not deserve me.

You do not deserve me.

You do not deserve me.

I love you.

You do not deserve me.

You do not deserve me.

You hurt me.

You do not deserve me.

You do not deserve me.

I miss you.

You do not deserve me.

I know my worth!


Feel less

If I could I’d relive it all again with one exception.

No emotions! No emotion to feel the pain of the end result.

No emotion to be able to walk away.

No emotion to love whom never loved me.

I’d do it all again because the time was worth it but, the pain NEVER!

If I could do it all again I’d do it with no emotion nor any sign of loving you.


Worth

It’s a force. An uncontrollable connection.

One that can destroy us and we must decide if it’s worth it.

Is it worth the pain we feel once we let go?

That one moment to join and allow the universe to collide.

Then, let it all go to simply fight the urge once more.

Is it all worth it?


Speak

Every word you spoke to me soothed my soul, made my body feel a burst of adrenaline.

You had me in the palm of your hand, yet you let me slip away like water through your fingertips.

The love I had for you could never be recreated. It was a sacred love that will no longer exist.

You and I were like oil and water. Although our bond was strong, our thoughts never allowed us to grow.

My heart still yearns for your words and your touch as I question if I am playing with fire. So I simply allow it to burn out just as you allowed it all to slip through your hands.