Right up under his arms is where I sleep. I stay for a moment and then remove myself. It’s right then and there that I realize he is not the same man I would sleep up under time and time again. Something has changed, someone has changed.
It wasn’t me, it was him. He was another man, one that I tried to replicate into the past yet, the feelings weren’t there. The body, touch ,texture of his skin did not match what I’ve been yearning for time and time again.
Maybe it was time to give up. Time to give up on the search of that similar happiness that helped make the world seem like a blur and happiness seem like it was all I needed. Time to give up on finding that lost feeling that left with him when I got on that plane.
It was over and all I had was another body on the other side of my bed. Another soul leaving his make in my home. For a moment I was satisfied but never truly happy. So there I laid with my back turned praying to find that one feeling I once had when he laid by my side and I slept right under him.
It wasn’t him, it was me….