I think I’ve checked out….
Checked out on love that is.
At thirty years old I think it’s safe to say that I’m not sure if “mister right” is truly out there. It’s hard to believe that happy ending really happen, well for me that is.
I have two great friends that are married and another soon to wed. Their love is so unreal. It’s like that old school love that grandparents had. A love that has been lasting because they never gave up on one another. They continue to push one another and encourage one another.
My cards were dealt differently. As much as I pushed and encouraged I still got the shitty end of the stick.
“You’re too nice Sip,” is what I was constantly told. So, what should I be? Do I have to change my entire being just to make a man stay?
Instead of constantly changing I’ve decided to check out.
Maybe not forever but until I can understand who me is. Until I can feel like whatever he does to me won’t send me into a panic mode where I lose 10lbs and have sleepless nights.
I refuse to allow any man have control over me like that again. I refuse to be treated as “another one.”
So to all the men who approach me and consistently ask me out or ask me why I do not have a boyfriend, it’s not because I do not want one it is because I am not ready for one. I am not ready to open myself up and become vulnerable for hurt no matter how nice you are.
With that said, I’ve decided to check out.
Check out on love that is.