Monthly Archives: January 2015

Monster monster


I’ve learned that we can not go out there and try to blame it all on life.

We can not go out there and say it is because of this person or these circumstances that I have to live the way I live or I am who I am.

There comes a time in life where we have to change within ourselves and fight our own demons within us before we can fight the outside world.

It’s a cruel cruel world out there and if you yourself are not ready within, you may lose the war.

I’ve been there, well hell, I am there. Fighting the monsters/demons within me so that I am able to handle what’s out there. Handling situations and trying to overcome whatever obstacles are set for me.

I know what I have to work on, do you?


Checked out

I think I’ve checked out….

Checked out on love that is.

At thirty years old I think it’s safe to say that I’m not sure if “mister right” is truly out there. It’s hard to believe that happy ending really happen, well for me that is.

I have two great friends that are married and another soon to wed. Their love is so unreal. It’s like that old school love that grandparents had. A love that has been lasting because they never gave up on one another. They continue to push one another and encourage one another.

My cards were dealt differently. As much as I pushed and encouraged I still got the shitty end of the stick.

“You’re too nice Sip,” is what I was constantly told. So, what should I be? Do I have to change my entire being just to make a man stay?

Instead of constantly changing I’ve decided to check out.

Maybe not forever but until I can understand who me is. Until I can feel like whatever he does to me won’t send me into a panic mode where I lose 10lbs and have sleepless nights.

I refuse to allow any man have control over me like that again. I refuse to be treated as “another one.”

So to all the men who approach me and consistently ask me out or ask me why I do not have a boyfriend, it’s not because I do not want one it is because I am not ready for one. I am not ready to open myself up and become vulnerable for hurt no matter how nice you are.

With that said, I’ve decided to check out.

Check out on love that is.


It’s like a jigsaw puzzle.
Trying to place every piece together and not screwing it up.
Making sure every piece is strategically placed where it belongs.
You might mess up sometimes but be careful not to screw it up all the time or else it will never be complete.
You’ll never get to see the beauty of the final result.
You’ll never get to admire the hard work it took to create this this treasure.

Love is like a jigsaw puzzle.
It takes time to place the pieces where they need to be in order to make them complete.

Google me!

First mistake I made was meeting him at a night club. Second mistake I made was getting there before he did.

There I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Knowing his lifestyle wouldn’t be easy and just trying to see if we would be a good fit for one another.

I had gotten out of work early and he wanted me to party with him. It was a Friday and I felt that we would have a good time. So I agreed to hang out and see where our journey would take us. It would be our first “date.”

I rushed home and got dressed. Straightened my hair and wore a nice little black number with killer heels.

He asked me to meet him at the first night club and as I approached I got a second message saying not to park there and to meet him at another club. He text me in the nick of time because I was just about to pay for valet and walk inside the night club.

I apologized to the valet man and headed to the other night club. That night a big artist was going to be at the club so I knew valet was going to be expensive but, there was no parking anywhere. Shockingly I got there first than him, which never happens in anything I do except for work. I paid $45 for valet in hopes that he would at least insist on paying me back for it.

I wait in the car for about 20 minutes and he calls me to meet him in his car. I walk out in the rain and head over to his car. There I sit inside his car and we begin talking and he tells me we are just waiting for a friend. He asks me for a kiss and I jokingly give him my cheek to kiss. I guess it was not funny to him because he just looked at me with a sour look on his face. I the. Told him as soon as I finished making a purchase I was making on my phone I would lay one on him but, he instead got me out of the car and said let’s go in.

We went into the night club and he introduced me to all his friends. The night was going just right. I had a drink and he had a few. I was texting back and forth letting my girlfriend know I was ok because I never would agree to meet a man at a night club. As the music felt right I began to just dance and he stood by my side. Many knew who he was especially the women. They would come and grab his arm. Let him know how great he looked tonight, give him nice long hugs and I just stood there enjoying the music.

I was not going to fight anyone or push any girl away because I was not in the right environment and it showed me that he probably was not really that serious about me. Besides, I had enough confidence to know that those girls had nothing on me.

It was time to go and I already knew that he was going to want me to go to another night club. I also knew that he was going to want me to ride with him to that night club but, I did not want to leave my car at valet that whole night not knowing what would happen.

As we head out I turn around and tell him, “I’m not leaving my car here. I’ll follow you to Aroma.”

I don’t know what got over him with that comment and he just blew up on me. He told me to get out and just go home. Filled with confusion I turned around and asked him what he was talking about and he just kept telling me to leave.

Already embarrassed because he did this in a crowd full of people I just put my jacket on and walked away. I quickly text him and let him know how disrespectful he was to me and then called him.

I tried to explain that all I wanted to do was follow him instead of leaving the car over night. He in turn told me that I was being stuck up and that he was already upset when I didn’t give him a kiss when he asked. He was also upset at me texting while I was at the night club with him. I explained to hi that it was my girlfriend just checking up on me.

I was not going to let this go so I fought back and told hi about the women approaching him and touching him and he did nothing about that. He had nothing to say.

His final words to me were that I was just like the rest of these Atlanta girls (whatever that means), I came a dime a dozen, my jokes weren’t funny. The icing on the cake was when he told me, “google me!”

Yes! Google me! He said he was a serious man with a short temper and he was not playing games.

Then he told me to get home safe and let him know when I got home. I in return just hung up the phone on him while he was in mid-sentence.

As I drove home I tried to think about how in the world did that date go left so quickly. I spent two days wondering why a man would speak to another woman that way. Did I do or say something wrong?

To try and clear the air I sent him an apology text just to let him know I was sorry if I said or acted in a way that disrespected him. His response was not what I wanted but I took it anyway.

He simply told me it was all good. Everything happens for a reason and wished me luck on my future ends ours.

I have not heard from him since.

And no, I did not google him!