For some reason he was on my mind for quite a while. For some reason I wanted more of him and could not have it. It was as if he disappeared into thin air yet, still existed in my mind.
There I was everyday contemplation ting whether or not to send him a text or give him a phone call. Not to argue about why he became so distant but to see how he was and if things were ok. I thought we at least had that connection of respect but, when it comes to men I’ve been pretty wrong before.
So, finally I sent a text. Preparing myself for the rejection or for the results I didn’t want to hear. 30 minutes go by and nothing. An hour goes by and still no response. Three hours and there it was in my face. NOTHING!
Someone like me is used to the rejection. I know when to fall back and just let it all go not because I want to but, because if there isn’t an effort on both sides then what’s the point. Yet, this time I couldn’t just let it go. I proceeded to send another text.
I wanted answers and I truly didn’t want to let whatever we had go. I thought maybe just maybe it could at least turn into a friendship. I was always told never ask questions you’re not ready for answers to. So, I didn’t ask. I simply stated.
“Hey, I was just checking on you. I am not sure if I did anything wrong to you since we haven’t spoken in so long but I just wanted to see how you were doing. I can respect if you want your space so I will let you be. Hope all is well.”
I left it at that and about an hour later he called me. I was asleep and missed the call. Damn! I missed it.
Hours later I called back and he acted as if nothing ever happened. He continued to tell me about how busy he was and his new business adventure. I never knock a hustle and this man is a hustler. He knows how to make his money and is a very driven man so, I just told him how great that was.
I let him talk for a bit and then finally drew up the courage to ask what his problem was with me. He tried to sugar coat it, tried to make me believe that it was his “work.” I took it all in in silence. When the inside of me wanted to smack him through the phone and curse and yell at him.
“Baby, I miss you sooo much.” Was what he would say and I could no longer believe it. But I still let him talk.
I learned that in life no matter how busy you are, be it male or female you make time for those you care/love and what’s important to you. You do not leave matters to the heart on a back burner because you may lose out on many of life’s blessing and opportunities.
After all he said all I could respond to him was, “Ok I’m going to bed. I miss you too. Good night.”
He probably didn’t hear any of it because before I got to finish saying good night the phone had already hung up.
I didn’t cry. I no longer cry over boys. I just shrugged my shoulders and said to myself at least I tried. At least I let him know how much I cared.
I would never take back the experience we had. The only thing I would take back is caring so much and trying so hard. It’s like you no longer can live with your heart. The mind takes over from now on because there isn’t much of a heart left to lead anymore.