Monthly Archives: September 2014

They….

He was there and she was here.

Distance and time held them apart yet, their thoughts remained on one another.

It was as if the universe was against them because timing never allowed them to meet.

Time never allowed them the grace of one another’s presence.

All they had was the memory of one night. One night with no regrets.

A night where nothing existed but two bodies intertwined with one another.

He was there and she was here.

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Simplest….

The simple things is what matters.

Allow me to wake up to a good morning text if you’re not by my side each night. Randomly call me and let me know you’re thinking about me. As I walk by your side hold the door open for me into any location we head into.

Listen to my horrible work stories and allow me to vent. Then simply tell me, there are other people who have it worse. At least I know you listened.

Compliment me… Make me feel sexy and proud to be by your side. Even if you simply tell me I look beautiful. Ahhh, my smile will go from ear to ear.

Randomly grab me and give me a peck on the lips or my cheeks as I am dazing in the clouds.

The simplicity keeps me wanting more and more of you.

The simplicity shows you put in work for it. It shows you truly care.

Or maybe you just play the game really well. But, I’d rather believe it the other way.

It’s the simple things that warm my heart and help you score those brownie points.

Many women may agree or disagree with me but, I enjoy the simple things in life.

With simplicity I’ll be willing to do anything.


FW

For some reason he was on my mind for quite a while. For some reason I wanted more of him and could not have it. It was as if he disappeared into thin air yet, still existed in my mind.

There I was everyday contemplation ting whether or not to send him a text or give him a phone call. Not to argue about why he became so distant but to see how he was and if things were ok. I thought we at least had that connection of respect but, when it comes to men I’ve been pretty wrong before.

So, finally I sent a text. Preparing myself for the rejection or for the results I didn’t want to hear. 30 minutes go by and nothing. An hour goes by and still no response. Three hours and there it was in my face. NOTHING!

Someone like me is used to the rejection. I know when to fall back and just let it all go not because I want to but, because if there isn’t an effort on both sides then what’s the point. Yet, this time I couldn’t just let it go. I proceeded to send another text.

I wanted answers and I truly didn’t want to let whatever we had go. I thought maybe just maybe it could at least turn into a friendship. I was always told never ask questions you’re not ready for answers to. So, I didn’t ask. I simply stated.

“Hey, I was just checking on you. I am not sure if I did anything wrong to you since we haven’t spoken in so long but I just wanted to see how you were doing. I can respect if you want your space so I will let you be. Hope all is well.”

I left it at that and about an hour later he called me. I was asleep and missed the call. Damn! I missed it.

Hours later I called back and he acted as if nothing ever happened. He continued to tell me about how busy he was and his new business adventure. I never knock a hustle and this man is a hustler. He knows how to make his money and is a very driven man so, I just told him how great that was.

I let him talk for a bit and then finally drew up the courage to ask what his problem was with me. He tried to sugar coat it, tried to make me believe that it was his “work.” I took it all in in silence. When the inside of me wanted to smack him through the phone and curse and yell at him.

“Baby, I miss you sooo much.” Was what he would say and I could no longer believe it. But I still let him talk.

I learned that in life no matter how busy you are, be it male or female you make time for those you care/love and what’s important to you. You do not leave matters to the heart on a back burner because you may lose out on many of life’s blessing and opportunities.

After all he said all I could respond to him was, “Ok I’m going to bed. I miss you too. Good night.”

He probably didn’t hear any of it because before I got to finish saying good night the phone had already hung up.

I didn’t cry. I no longer cry over boys. I just shrugged my shoulders and said to myself at least I tried. At least I let him know how much I cared.

I would never take back the experience we had. The only thing I would take back is caring so much and trying so hard. It’s like you no longer can live with your heart. The mind takes over from now on because there isn’t much of a heart left to lead anymore.


Candlestick

It was a night like no other.
Like a candle burning slowly she searched for her other.
Slowly her heart melted until the wick ran dry.
Until it could no longer light again.
Then it began again.
Story of her life.

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And there you are….

And there you are… No longer here for me to feel the warmth of your hugs… No longer here to see that million dollar smile… No longer here to enjoy your playful jokes… But there you are, in my heart… There you are watching my every move and with caution I move hoping that I make you proud…. Whomever said time heals all wounds has brought me for a spin because ever 2nd of every month my stomach churns… My heart beats a bit faster and silence takes over my mind, body and soul… I used to live life vicariously, always excited to share my stories with you… Now I’m cautious and not myself… When you left a part of me disappeared… A part that I’ve been seeking to find… I’m no longer a free bird, now I stand wounded trying to find a balance… A balance between being myself and yearning to live through you… Live so you can see it all through my eyes as you watch me… Yet, the pain has put a stop to my adventures… I’m no longer a thrill seeker and my bucket list seizes to exist at the moment.

Help me find me again… Help me find that free spirit and let me know that you’re here… Here to enjoy my silliness and wild adventures…

Every night I pray that you are well… Every night I wish you a good night… Please remember that Haze is in great hands… As you watch over all of us, fill her heart with love and joy… That she may never feel the pain of losing you…

To my brother Black, Francis Rodriguez.

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