What I’ve learned to enjoy about myself is that I don’t mind doing it all on my own. I don’t mind going to a cafe and sitting at the bar to have a cappuccino and a delicious warm banana muffin.
I don’t mind heading to the movies and being the only one in an open area enjoying a beer and some buttery popcorn. Yes, some theaters sell beer. To me it’s like an adventure and I live for these moments. I feel proud of myself for being able to just head out and be on my own. In the past I always wanted to include all of my friends but lately I’ve realized that we are growing up and those chaotic moments we spent every night and day together a soon coming to an end. Or, they are becoming less and less.
You discover yourself while you’re on your own. I’ve learned that I would rather listen to a good mix of music while I get dressed. I have my own dance sessions as I walk around putting clothes on my body. Maybe that’s where I get all my crazy dance moves from. Haha, if you know me we’ll enough you know that I can not dance at all!
Today, I drove aimlessly until I got to a small cafe. There I met Zoey who told me he was in the Navy and is now touring Europe as a rock artist. We sat and talked about the NCAA sweet sixteen and his up and coming clothing line. The different countries we’ve been to and the type of music we liked. When I was done with my cappuccino and muffin I shook his hand and thanked him for the company. I payed, grabbed my pursed and crossed the street where I bought myself a movie ticket.
In the past I would have just sat there quietly and not spoken to anyone. With a secret urge to just have a normal conversation with someone. Now, I’ll say hello and just get to know someone. I am not trying to take anyone home, I am just a very curious person and want to just sit and have a conversation. Afterwards we just go our separate ways and end it learning new things from one another. It’s as simple as that.
Secretly, I enjoy going to the movies by myself because I actually lose myself in a movie. As silly as it sounds I try to pretend I am one of the characters and wonder what it would be like to be an actress. All my troubles are lost and I focus on who I am in the movies. It’s surreal and extremely hard to explain.
After my beer, popcorn and great movie I pack up and head into the car to continue my adventure. Since the sun begins to set I decide to head home and call it a night. It’s very early but that’s what I have chosen to do.
During my drive I pretend to be one of those contestants on American Idol and just sing my butt off to whatever is on my playlist, even rap. As walk into the house I run my bath and just relax.
As the night continues I sit myself down beside my bed and seek random verses in my bible and try to interpret them. Afterwards, instead of killing my brain cells watching reality tv (don’t get me wrong I watch it here and there) I just sit quietly and focus on my thoughts.
Thoughts that have taught me to not regret my past choices, my past actions. Thoughts that have helped me accept myself for being the silly, charismatic person I am today. I’m able to be more thankful and build myself.
Many think I’m driving all over the city and moving here and there but, truth is I’m just home enjoying me. I am not home because I have no one to hang out with. I am home because that is what I enjoy to do. Other than enjoying a good dinner I enjoy being home and exploring the craziness that’s in my mind.
Where am I tonight? Home sitting on this rug, enjoying some music and writing this blog. Thinking about many and wondering about others. Be safe out there I’ll be home building myself.
Who knows, maybe I’ll surprise you all one day : )