Monthly Archives: March 2014


What I’ve learned to enjoy about myself is that I don’t mind doing it all on my own. I don’t mind going to a cafe and sitting at the bar to have a cappuccino and a delicious warm banana muffin.

I don’t mind heading to the movies and being the only one in an open area enjoying a beer and some buttery popcorn. Yes, some theaters sell beer. To me it’s like an adventure and I live for these moments. I feel proud of myself for being able to just head out and be on my own. In the past I always wanted to include all of my friends but lately I’ve realized that we are growing up and those chaotic moments we spent every night and day together a soon coming to an end. Or, they are becoming less and less.

You discover yourself while you’re on your own. I’ve learned that I would rather listen to a good mix of music while I get dressed. I have my own dance sessions as I walk around putting clothes on my body. Maybe that’s where I get all my crazy dance moves from. Haha, if you know me we’ll enough you know that I can not dance at all!

Today, I drove aimlessly until I got to a small cafe. There I met Zoey who told me he was in the Navy and is now touring Europe as a rock artist. We sat and talked about the NCAA sweet sixteen and his up and coming clothing line. The different countries we’ve been to and the type of music we liked. When I was done with my cappuccino and muffin I shook his hand and thanked him for the company. I payed, grabbed my pursed and crossed the street where I bought myself a movie ticket.

In the past I would have just sat there quietly and not spoken to anyone. With a secret urge to just have a normal conversation with someone. Now, I’ll say hello and just get to know someone. I am not trying to take anyone home, I am just a very curious person and want to just sit and have a conversation. Afterwards we just go our separate ways and end it learning new things from one another. It’s as simple as that.

Secretly, I enjoy going to the movies by myself because I actually lose myself in a movie. As silly as it sounds I try to pretend I am one of the characters and wonder what it would be like to be an actress. All my troubles are lost and I focus on who I am in the movies. It’s surreal and extremely hard to explain.

After my beer, popcorn and great movie I pack up and head into the car to continue my adventure. Since the sun begins to set I decide to head home and call it a night. It’s very early but that’s what I have chosen to do.

During my drive I pretend to be one of those contestants on American Idol and just sing my butt off to whatever is on my playlist, even rap. As walk into the house I run my bath and just relax.

As the night continues I sit myself down beside my bed and seek random verses in my bible and try to interpret them. Afterwards, instead of killing my brain cells watching reality tv (don’t get me wrong I watch it here and there) I just sit quietly and focus on my thoughts.

Thoughts that have taught me to not regret my past choices, my past actions. Thoughts that have helped me accept myself for being the silly, charismatic person I am today. I’m able to be more thankful and build myself.

Many think I’m driving all over the city and moving here and there but, truth is I’m just home enjoying me. I am not home because I have no one to hang out with. I am home because that is what I enjoy to do. Other than enjoying a good dinner I enjoy being home and exploring the craziness that’s in my mind.

Where am I tonight? Home sitting on this rug, enjoying some music and writing this blog. Thinking about many and wondering about others. Be safe out there I’ll be home building myself.

Who knows, maybe I’ll surprise you all one day : )







5 minutes

Have you ever sat in front of a mirror and spent five minutes looking at yourself? Looking at the true beauty that you posses. Five minutes encouraging yourself instead of critiquing everything you dislike about yourself.

It’s a tough thing to do because we are our own biggest critiques. We do not know how to embrace our true selves so that we can finally be happy and at peace. Those five minutes can change your life because when you begin to believe in yourself your life changes for the best. Your life becomes more positive and those things you thought you couldn’t achieve begin to become a walk in the park, a piece of cake.

I dare you to sit in front of a mirror for a week and tell yourself all positive things. You can not say anything negative about yourself! Encourage yourself and be truthful because the only two people you should worry about pleasing is God and yourself.

One week, five minutes out of your busy life.

Speak what’s in your heart and let yourself be heard.

You’re beautiful….
You’re smart….
You’re body is an amazing temple….
Those freckles look flawless on you….

Talk to yourself. The most successful people in the world talk to themselves because they know what others can’t see. They know themselves more than anyone in this world.

Try it out and let me know….

Words… Just words

Your words no longer amuse me.

I am no longer mesmerized by those typical I Love You….

“You’re beautiful.” No longer brings a smile to my face..

Whatever comes out of your mouth no longer makes my heart skip a beat. You’re words are just words. Meaningless words with no emotions.

I am no longer victim to the, “I miss you.” “Baby.” “My love.”

Why? Because the actions behind the words contradicted everything!

All that was said was what you assume I’d want to hear. Yes, they are nice but nice gets you no where.

You were just talk and no action and I’ve become numb to it all so I’ll just agree to make you happy. When deep inside it felt empty because those words were meaningless.

What are words without action? What’s an emotion with no feelings?

Action is what I thrive for. The touch, the visuals, the connection. You and I hand in hand.

Do not speak if there is no physicality. Don’t speak if I can’t see it.

Don’t talk about it, be about it.

You’re words no longer amuse me.

Who are we to judge?

Who are we to limit the love that God has placed on all of us?

Who are we to judge wether or not God has love for gay, lesbian, criminals, and sinners?

We are no one, we are simply the creation of God and have no right to judge how or who he wants to love. We are just the lambs in this chaotic world and he is our Shepard, leading us or trying to lead us in the right path.

If we look at Jonah 4:2 we can see that Jonah realizes the kindness God has in his heart and this clearly upsets Jonah because he wanted to see the people of Nineveh destroyed. He wanted to see God’s wrath and destruction placed unto the city of Nineveh. Yet, God had other plans. When he saw that the people of Nineveh repented, God forgave them and did not destroy the city or the people. He showed mercy on them.

If God can show mercy on the most evil of people why can’t we? Why do we live with so much anger inside of us? Why must we envy and hate one another? Why do we question God when we know that what he brings into our lives is for a reason.

We as individuals have take on the habit of loving things and using people when it should be vise versa. In Jonah 4:9-10 we see that Jonah is more concerned about the material things than the lives of the people of Nineveh. God then asks Jonah why is he more concerned about the material things than the lives of Nineveh.

Jonah’s heart becomes distant from God, which is what mNy of us tend to do when things don’t go our way. Our belief is there but our hearts are questioning God or become callus. We don’t want to see anyone else saved if WE do not feel it is right. We worry less about God’s concern and more about our own.

Jonah 4:11, God pleads with Jonah to have more compassion. He asks Jonah what right does he have to decide whom God himself can save?

Jonah 4:12 is never written. The story ends with God asking Jonah (4:11), “And should I not spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that can not discern between their right hand and their left; and also much cattle?

We never see the end of the story of Jonah because it is up to us to finish it. We have to realize that we have no right to judge anyone but ourselves. We have no right to hate or disrespect people because those feelings bring us further away from God and our own blessings.

If God can forgive why can’t we?

Remember this, God can still love a sinner and still hate his sins.

It’s Everything….


Sometimes what we truly want to say isn’t expressed properly or we hold it in until it’s too late.


Ever read the Book of Jonah? Ever wonder what the true message is behind it?

As we know God had sent Jonah on a mission and Jonah being a hard headed individual decided to rebel against God and not follow the task he was given. Jonah got on a ship where there were men who had worshiped other gods. Suddenly, a giant storm came and all the fishermen began praying to their gods. When they saw that the storm was not letting out they asked Jonah for help. Jonah told them that he prays to just one God, the creator of all things.

He then told them to throw him into the water and to pray to God so the fishermen were a bit hesitant at first but did as he said. Jonah was thrown into the sea and the storm let up. Jonah was then eaten by a fish and he began to ask God for forgiveness. Asked him to forgive him for rebelling and not following his mission.

God could have left Jonah in there to die but he didn’t. He forgave him and cast him out of the fish. It was there that Jonah realized that he was running in the wrong direction. It was then that he realized that he needed to begin to run with God (Jonah 3:1-10). He realized that the only way he would receive salvation was the The Lord (Jonah 2).

Through this story I personally got the message that god is listening to us we just need to have a willing heart (Jonah 3:3). He doesn’t want a half commitment. He wants a full commitment just like a marriage or a relationship. You have to be willing to allow him into your heart and then you will see that your harvest will grow because the harvest is plenty.

You can be a ruthless killer just like the men in Nineveh (Jonah 3) and still receive salvation from The Lord if you concede your sins before God, as they did when Jonah arrived to their city.

The Book of Jonah taught me the steps of salvation. It taught me that through the gospel many questions can be answered and we have to preach the word unapologetic. Compare the gospel to true life events to better relate to them.

From it I learned 5 points of salvation:
– Hear the word of God.
– Have a contracted heart.
– Confess your faith in God.
– Concede of sins before God.
– Convert by power of God.

Many will read this and think I’m crazy but I am not. I just wanted to share what I’ve learned through The Lord today. I wanted to share that I have never been happier or more at peace until the day I gave all of me to The Lord.

My faith and the blessings of The Lord have taught me that if we worry less about petty things and focus on giving ourselves to The Lord and finding out what our missions are then we will never be truly happy. I know this is a lot to take in and I know that there are many with different religions but the root of it all is to dedicate yourself.

He said, she said.

“Bro, I just saw your girl all over some other dude!”

“Girl, I heard that Sue be sleeping around.”


Words spread like a disease. Like a plague that can’t be stopped. Rumors become the root of all evil because they begin with ill intent and always have a motive. There is never anything positive behind it.

It’s sad to see that opinions of an individual are based on rumors instead of approaching that person and getting to know them. Reputation is important but many compare reputation to rumors and always hear out the rumors first.

He said, she said is all bull! Why not have the balls and go to the source itself and ask that person if it’s true? Why not hear them out and take their word for it? In the end the truth always surfaces and if that person was lying you’ll know, then base your judgement. What we forget is that going that route is too complicated so one would rather listen to the lies and rumors then decide what to do from there.

Whatever is said ask because many rumors are created out of jealousy. People become jealous of the smallest things and do whatever they can to bring the next person down because now a days no one wants to see another person happy. Those that are miserable are seeking the company so they will do whatever it takes to stir the pot. Stir so hard that they become so heartless they don’t care how the other person feels or if they are hurting someone.

At the end of the day shame on you for creating the rumor and shame on you for believing them. The rest of the shame goes to those who continuously spread the lies like a plague.

Why is there never a positive rumor about how someone has come up in life or about how your best friend is getting to married to her the man she loves. Why not spread love instead of evil? The answer is simple. Unfortunately, many thrive on seeing another person in pain. They get a repulsive excitement out of knowing that someone is less than them or won’t get what he/she wants because of a rumor.

It’s hurtful.
Heart wrenching.

RUMORS don’t make the world go round but at times it’s an awful piece of entertainment to many except the ones it hurts.

If you’re going to spread a rumor make it a positive one or just do everyone a favor and keep your mouth shut.

Those that believe the rumors should take a good look in the mirror and think before they post judgment. I’m sure if you ask the person if the rumor is true nothing but honesty will come.