Monthly Archives: November 2013

Scarlet Letter

There is a secret to her life that no one has been able to discover. She walks with a smile hiding the sorrow. Hiding the hurt that she’s afraid to experience once again. There is something within that keeps her from trusting him or any other man that enters her life.

There’s a wall no one will be able to break because she doesn’t want it broken down. Once that wall is broken she has to reveal her deepest past. A past full of turmoil and despair. She’d rather take it to the grave than to reveal her true self.

A scarlet letter she wears carved onto her chest. A letter that will most likely push away those she loves just like the one she loved.

It’s often true that it is best to keep a secret than to reveal it because once that secret is out it spreads like a wildfire in the California desert. No one ever means it when they say, “to the grave” anymore.

It’s tough but this one letter she’ll keep carved on her chest for the rest of her life. She’ll push away as they get closer and just continue to live on at times just merely exist.



Like a disease, a tumor that will never go away it sits on my mind. My heart feels weak and full of sorrow. It cries because I can never undo the harm I’ve caused.

There I was up set at the world and innocence was staring right back at me. Rage and anger consumed my body, like the first hit of a crack pipe. Unbeknownst to me I turn around with the devil with in me and flipped. Took her and released all the anger I had. Innocence was shocked and defended herself. They came between us and separated us.

Quickly I drove away knowing that forever in my heart I’d hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I’d ruined innocence’s thought of me. She saw my rage and will forever be changed. Tears in my eyes apologizing to the driver over and over again. He tried to make me relax but I couldn’t I had potentially ruined a bond that I thought would never be broken.

There the driver and I stood with tears in my eyes and disappointment in his trying to suck it up and depart. I couldn’t! I knew I had to fix it because the devil wasn’t going to win this time!

We drove home and I wept and I wept. Wept a sea of sorrow and apologies. As soon as I walked in the door I ran into innocence and held her in my arm. Apologized time and time again for the wrong I’d done. For the raged I had inflicted upon her. She held me close and told me it was alright.

We spent the night together but when it was time to sleep the tears just flowed. As she slept right next to me with her back turned I let it out. Prayer in hand I apologized to The Lord and as she slept I apologized to her.

What no one knows is that I treat innocence as my own child. She has a part of my heart that no one will ever take. Now I have failed her. Potentially ruined a bond due to rage. Due to anger I couldn’t release any other way. We were both at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Today I still cry. I think of what I can do to turn back time and change the events that took place that day and all I that comes to me is prayer. Pray the he forgives me for allowing that tumor to take control of my body. Pray that one day innocence will see the pain within me for what I’ve done. Now I have to live with what I’ve done. Live with the fact I did her wrong and broke her heart.

I’ll forever be sorry and if there is punishment I am ready for it. I deserve it because innocence was the last person on earth I would ever want to hurt.

Innocence is and will always be my heart.