Monthly Archives: July 2013

Where’d you go?? (archives 2013)

There you are and you won’t go away. There you are and I can’t stop thinking of you. There you are and memories just trickle in like rain on my window pain. Life becomes difficult to live.

The words they tell me become irrelevant because my heart no longer believes. It no longer has space for what is said. It’s cold and it is beginning to freeze. Soon it will be difficult to chisel through it or try to melt it away.
I’m a cold hearted Bitch now.

What happened to it being just different? What happened to never giving up? What happened to us?

I wake up dreaming of you. I fall asleep thinking of you. As much as I want to hate you I can’t. The beginning was difficult and each day gets better and better yet you, yes you don’t disappear from my heart and mind. It’s endless and I wish I could pop a pill or pull my heart out to make the memories and pain go away.

Here I sit going through the motions of life. Living my life yet feeling like something is missing. Is it you? I have no idea but it feels empty and there is nothing I can do but pray and hope for the best.


This meaningless ….

On cloud nine. Feeling like nothing can get in your way. Life is finally the way you want it to be and all is good. Then you slip and fall. You fall and plummet down and you’re cloud is gone.

Everything begins to crumble and doubts begin arise. Your mind wanders aimlessly through life and you feel hopeless. Hopeless about the present and hopeless about the future. Life has no meaning.

It’s a dark dark cloud that makes you doubt yourself and lose all faith in all you believe in.

Words were said that made you feel like your life was finally in the right path but those were words of lies.

Things were done that made you feel like life was good and happiness was just a smile away. But those things were meaningless.

It’s tough to be happy when your heart isn’t happy. Sometimes it’s best not to love at all so that you become numb to disappointment. You can just move on with life without feeling like your heart is going to break right through your chest.

No love allowed.


Mr. Lawyer

Dear Mr lawyer,

It’s unfortunate that you ended our “friendship” this way. I would like to thank you for bailing me out and for the dinners and lunch we had. I told your old ass from the jump I had no interest in you and I only wanted to be friends.

Only because I wouldn’t go to your house during the evening or send you “sensual and sexy” photos you think you can have control over me! You messed with the wrong woman! One day your daughter will be my age and one day a man as creepy as you will approach her and I hope she makes the right decision. I hope that she tells you all about it so you can look back at how disgusting you are.

I’ll gladly give you what you ask for with a prayer. I will pray for you Mr. Lawyer because you need it. I’m sorry I’m not the type of girl who wants a sugar daddy. I’m sorry I don’t want to accept your gifts. Every gift comes with a price and I’m not about that life. My P is not for sale!! No matter how much you have.

Do me a favor and lose my number I’m sure you’ll find another victim but me, I’m not victim. I know who you are and you think because you’re ” big time” you have the rights to do what you do. Not up in here!!! No sir!

Karma will come to you and when it does I won’t snicker or laugh. I’ll just shake my head and keep moving. You my “friend” are not worth my breath or my time. You are scum!



PS spell my name right next time!


As I sat at the airport on standby I got a call from scheduling an hour before sign in. I didn’t answer my phone. A half hour before sign in another call and I didn’t answer again. Finally five minutes before signing in I called scheduling. “You’re going to Dubai head to the gate.”

There is was a trip to Dubai something I’ll never see until I either learn Arabic or worked with the airline for 20 or more years. It was an opportunity I wasn’t going to give up. Besides I had no choice.

I headed to the gate and worked a 13 hour flight to Dubai. We landed at 10pm their time. The next morning we had 24 hours to layover. I did what I could.

Since I had a sleeveless shirt on I didn’t want to disrespect anyone so I stayed with my crew and didn’t travel alone. I headed to the supermarket where I got my dad a few sweets and got to sample many. In the same market we sat and had some excellent coffee.

After the market I had some food which tasted amazing!! I can still taste the deliciousness of the lamb when I close my eyes. It was too good to be true. Wanted to take some home!!

One of the workers had to get a hair cut so I heard with him to the barber shop and sat there as I watched the men get their hair cuts and speak in their native language. It was a bit surreal because I just kept looking everywhere and trying to absorb all I saw in case I never came back. As I sat there I had a cup or Arabic coffee that I ended up buying because it was so good.

Soon after the hair cut I headed to the pool and sat there thinking and counting my blessings. What a surreal moment to go to another country for only 24 hours but experience as much of the culture as I could.

With no disrespect I went into a boutique where they sold hand made burkas for women. The sales man allowed me to wear the latest trend there. I felt so overwhelmed and great full that he would allow me to wear something so religious to them. Of course I hesitated but when he insisted over and over I couldn’t say no anymore.

I tried on the burka and a bunch of feelings just flowed through my body. Feelings are so indescribable. I was very thankful.

When I left I thanked the sales man a million times because I did not want anyone to think I was there joking around.

As I left the boutique I walked by a mosque. I wanted to walk in to experience it but again I was not dressed properly. My arms and my head were not covered. It’s an opportunity I had to pass up but will not next time (if there is ever a next time).

The weather was about 100 degrees and climbing. As I walked on the streets my sandals felts as if they were melting on the cement. But I kept trooping with the guys because I wanted to see it all.

After a market, pool, boutiques, and amazing food I had to end my adventure. It was time to relax before I had to work the 14 hour flight back to ATL.

I made a list of places I have to go when I go back. From now on I’ll pack right because I never know when Dubai will call for me.

My list: see the tallest building in the world.
Go to the gold market.
Go to the beach.
Go to the spice market.
Try and visit Abu Dhabi.