Monthly Archives: August 2012

true words….

“When things in life go wrong always smile. When things in  life go right always smile.”

          -My dad

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April 19, 1995

A Ryder rental truck was randomly parked in front of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Ok. At 9:03am the lives of many would change drastically. The truck was loaded with explosives and blew up about 1/3 of the building off.

I went to visit the memorial site the other day when I had a 20 hour layover in OKC. It made me realize that in any instant, minute or second someone’s life can easily be taken away. It could have happened to anyone but, it happened to the many restful souls in OKC.

Life is short as they say. You have to life your life to the fullest with those you truly care about and vise versa. Don’t take things for granted and appreciate any token that comes your way. You never know when that token can be removed from your life.

It was an intense visit. So intense that it helped me analyze the aspects of my life. I’ve learned to forgive but never forget. I forgive because I do not like to have grief or hate within me. I have learned to always smile and believe that there truly is light at the end of the tunnel.

To all those who lost a loved one or have gone through something intense just take a deep breath and have faith.

I dedicate this to the lost ones in the OKC bombing. Justice was served and although lives were taken you can rest peacefully. This moment in life will never be forgotten and will always be in our hearts.

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Feel it…. Love it….

It’s funny how an ocean can bring so much joy to my life. How just the view from anywhere in the world will make me smile. Smile brighter than anything in this world. It makes me truly believe that the ocean is my home.

I get lost out here in my thoughts. Whether they are positive or negative time flies by and I never want to leave. Nothing else matters except for the view, water, and wind. It’s amazing I tell you! Sheer beauty. It’s an indescribable feeling that I wish I could share with the world.

I can actually inhale deeply and exhale with a feeling that everything will be alright. It’s almost as if the ocean speaks to me. Almost as if it were created just for me. But, I am not greedy I want to share this with all the world. I want everyone to feel this joyous when they come and take a look.

I can cry, laugh, sleep or just relax here knowing that there is something greater out there. Yet, I don’t care about the greatness all I want is my ocean. My view of happiness. I always say I want to be happy and I can admittedly say that I am happiest by the water. Be it day or night the sound of that water, the view, and the feel make it all alright.

The ocean is my sanctuary. A place where I am at peace and have a strange feeling of love and happiness.

Photos from San Juan, Puerto Rico

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….

At a lost for words. Feeling speechless and emotionless. Just going with the movements when something deep inside is eating me alive.

Thought the path was right but instead a boulder interjected and feeling lost.

Speechless.


MIA with Fifa

After a heartbreaking two days I needed a break from everything but I had to keep working. I looked through the trips and picked up a layover in Miami that had 28 hours. Plenty of time to stay home (the beach) and clear my mind.

I arrived at 5am and took a nap. I waited for my friend/cousin to pick me up and we headed straight to my home. We had nothing but our swim suits and my lunch box full of snacks we bought at the market.

From morning to the end of the night we were together. She helped keep my mind busy and we spoke about our happy times and crazy moments when we live together in Florida.

We changed in the car and continued our journey through South Beach.

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Trust issues

Trust no one bottom line.

All that I believed in has done a complete 360 and smacked me in the face. What’s the point of expressing your feelings if you end up hurt in the end. What’s the point of telling everyone you care about that person when the feelings are not and never were mutual.

Thinking that one day eyes will open and reality will strike. Eyes will see the 5’3 girl standing in front fell hard and in (unfortunately) love. Those compliments weren’t given for no reason. Those compliments were given to show an expression that couldn’t be shown to public.

People wear disguises and many wear it very well. That feeling when you want your heart to stop beating so hard. That feeling when you want to throw up everything you put in your mouth. That feeling of hurt because you put yourself out there again only to get crushed in the end.

Expressed it all.

If they say a fought wasn’t given that’s a lie.

Expressed it all.

If they say interested wasn’t shown that’s a lie.

Expressed it all.

If they say there was no trust that’s a lie.

Expressed it all.


Her side… Hold tight.

Today I saw her cry. Today she broke down right in front of me. Today the woman who shows so little emotion couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Right in the middle of the street as I said good bye all I could do was hug her. I couldn’t cry also because this time, like all times I had to be the strong one. I held her tight and told her what I tell myself every single day, “it’s going to be alright.”

Things will get better I expressed to her and when I got into that cab I knew there was something deeper that she did not want to share. She just kept telling me she’d tell me later. She didn’t want me to see that side of her but I did. I saw it all.

Tonight I pray for her. Tonight all my wishes and prayers go out to her in all hopes that she can find herself again. In all hopes that the tables will turn in the best way for her.

I will hold her in my heart forever and ever and hope for nothing but the best. Things will change I know it will. If I have to die trying to help make them change. They will.