Those little moments with you mattered to me.
Your body was not what I yearned for.
Your touch was not what I was seeking.
I wanted more of your mind.
The way we could sit in silence and have conversations about the world.
The way you’d spark my mind with your intelligence.
I was missing your persona, your wisdom and your heart. Everything physical was a bonus.
But your mind was my gift.
I wrote letters about you to him.
I wrote letters about us to him.
I ask to protect you and guide us.
I spoke to him at night.
Asking to heal your heart and allow us to grow.
My letters and my words must have fallen on death ears.
There was a hole in the wall.
A light shinned through the hole in the wall. Florescent and bothersome.
As the light beamed through the hole it illuminated my darkened room. I could not sleep, tossing and turning as the night continued trying to ignore the hole in the wall. Trying to ignore the florescent light.
I got up to cover the hole but instead began to daze at the light. The light pierced my eyes for a minute and then they adjusted to its brightness.
I walked closer and closer to the hole in the wall.
Without any fear I placed my hands against the wall and leaned my body closer. I moved closer and closer to the hole in the wall and my eye began to peek through the hole.
Beyond the light I saw it all. Beyond the shinning light within the wall I felt my face crack a smile. With my body pressed against the wall my eye saw HAPPINESS.
My fingers began wedging open the hole in the wall. I wanted to be beyond the wall and closer to Happiness. I wanted to leave the comfort of my room and break through the hole in my wall.
I pried the hole open. Feeling all the pieces of the wall tumbling onto the ground. After much digging the hole in the wall became large enough for my slim body to climb into.
The light took me in. I looked back at the darkened room once then continued my path.
My path towards the florescent light of Happiness.
The only comfort zone I want to be in is within your arms…
The only comfort zone I want to spend my time with is you.
Simply comfortable being myself and loving you.
You spoke of Love as if you’ve been there.
You made it feel so real yet, your words were my kriptonyte.
Every word was poison and it destroyed my every being.
I broke to pieces as Love and Hate intertwined.
This love you spoke of was all I wanted to feel. I wanted to lose myself within your arms and let my imagination run wild.
I didn’t want you to stop. I didn’t want you to stop speaking of Love. Yet, there was so much hate in your eyes. So much anger that I questioned how could a man know about so much love yet, his eyes told another story.
His eyes spoke of pain, hurt and hate. His eyes were not of his body because his body spoke of love. His hands told me they loved me. The way they caressed up and down my spine.
His lips kissed mine with such passion. His lips loved me. My lips loved his. Our lips loved each other.
To avoid the pain I’d make a little eye contact as possible because I couldn’t bare that he held so much pain yet loved me as he did.
But, pain inevitably made its evil appearance and destroyed the love you spoke of. The love you created for us. The love we created.
Pain won because we forgot to show your eyes what true love was.