Should I apologize? Was it my fault? Why am I questioning my actions and finding myself missing you more than ever.
Do I apologize for what I saw or do I apologize for addressing it?
What if I would have never said anything. What if I would have held it in. Would you still ignore me the way you did that day? Would your body language have changed before I saw it?
Your body gave it away before my heart broke.
Yet I find myself questioning all my actions and my choice of words.
I want to sit outside and listen to the wind as it whistles through my ears, yet it’s too cold outside.
I want to sit outside and inhale the night’s cool air but the temperature is mighty brisk.
I want to sit outside lay my head on your shoulder and watch as the stars begin the shape my thoughts, yet it’s too cold outside.
I want to sit out there at night with you on the bench. Away from it all. Away from them all, yet the weather won’t allow it.
I want to sit outside with you by my side, yet you’re no longer here to share this smoke break with.
Besides, it’s too cold outside.
As a rose blossoms until it releases its final petal as did my soul. With the fall of each pedal, a piece of my soul was rooted within you. One by one every thorn became fragile to your touch. Until the last pedal. Until the final piece of my soul. Then as the rose was left to die. So was I, alone in this darkness.
It’s as if you’ve been engraved within me.
Every moment spent with you has been chiseled into my mind and nothing I do can remove it.
I can not sand it away with sandpaper. I can not try doing other things to erase the memories.
I can still feel your hands in my hair. It’s etched in me.
It’s as if I fell in Love and didn’t realize it.
Every memory has now become a gift and a curse. A burden of pain and memories of happiness.
I’m confused and it’s as if you’ve engraved yourself so far within my heart that it will become the hardest task to remove or sand away.
And I will call her Aurora as she is as beautiful as the nights sky.
Breathtaking as the colors that enfold as you look up at its beauty.
Aurora is her name as she will forever be more beautiful than beauty itself.
I painted a photo in my heart of you and I.
I painted a life in my heart of you and I.
I loved and lived as working towards what I envisioned and it felt so great.
I painted a picture except, it was all wrong and full of lies.
The picture still exists except it sits further away in the darkness as it fades away.
I painted a picture.